Have You Ever Wondered …

... How to Respond to a Loved One

who Wishes to Die?

Seeing the Loved One Suffer

It is certainly one of the most difficult things to see a loved one suffer or lead a life that is not “fully functional.” There is, for example, the elderly woman who’s been plagued by Alzheimer’s disease for years. There’s also the young man who is paralyzed after a war injury. There’s also the elderly man who is in the last stages of cancer. There’s the young woman in a long-time coma. But, finally, there’s also the infant who has major birth defects.

It is so hard to see someone we love in a seemingly endless state of agony and unhappiness. It is understandable to seek relief for this person. This severely limited life is certainly not what they would have wanted for themselves. And so, if the person requests it, why should this not go to the point of ending their life altogether? This life doesn’t seem worthwhile living. It will be a major burden for themselves and for those who would have to provide constant care for them. And, finally, don’t they have the right to decide when, and how, they leave this world? Shouldn’t their wish be respected above all? Isn’t that an act of love? After all, this wish is all they’ve left in their terrible situation! We might also feel that we sure wouldn’t want to live like that.

What can be done? How should we respond when faced with such a serious issue?

Some History

In recent years there’s been much talk about “euthanasia,” “(physician) assisted suicide,” “mercy killing,” and similar words for the deliberate ending of certain lives by medically trained persons.

It is worth remembering here that euthanasia is not a recent idea. Adolf Hitler, in October 1939, authorized certain physicians to kill the incurably ill. The focus at first was on young children and infants who had to be registered if they showed any signs of mental or physical illness. Later also adults, who had disabilities or chronic illnesses, were gathered at a number of killing centers. The program officially ended in 1941 after a German Catholic bishop attacked this practice in a sermon. By the end of the war, at least 70,000 persons had been exterminated by doctors and nurses.

Why Euthanasia?

Three reasons are generally brought forward in favor of this practices. First, each person ought to have full control over their lives; they ought to have the right to decide how to live it, and when, and how, to end it. Second, lives that are marked by suffering and an indefinite lack of independence are absolutely bad lives, to be avoided at all cost. Third, the incurably ill are a serious emotional, physical, and financial burden on their families and on society as a whole; this waste of precious resources should motivate them to request to be killed as soon as possible.

The Problem of Drawing the Line

The burgeoning Dutch practice of euthanasia shows one thing very clearly: Despite the assurances of advocates of mercy killing, this form of killing on demand cannot be limited to the few select cases envisioned originally. This is so because the thinking behind euthanasia declares good (at least in those few cases) what formerly had been considered bad (in all cases), the deliberate killing of innocent people.

Based on this thinking, it is hard to argue why a person who’s neither very old nor very sick should not be permitted, if not actually encouraged, to have his life taken, if he experiences a persistent sense of meaninglessness or unhappiness. Shouldn’t he have a choice too? And what about those who can’t decide for themselves – shouldn’t others be permitted to end their lives which are, obviously, not worthwhile living? Clearly, this reasoning does not promote life; it promotes death.

A Christian Perspective

Creation

Christians believe that all men are created by God. Because of this, all men belong to God. No one belongs to himself. All are accountable to their Creator. No one is free to decide for himself how to live and how, and when, to die. God has decided that for us already in his will. He gives us life; he richly and daily sustains our life “only out of his fatherly, divine goodness and mercy.” One day, he will also take our lives. In the meantime, we are to lead our lives in gratitude according to God’s holy will, the Ten Commandments. We are to foster and protect all human life – ours and that of our neighbors.

Redemption

Jesus Christ came into this world to give his life as a ransom for many. He died freely for the life of the world. He shed his blood on the cross so that we might be forgiven our sins and be spared God’s wrath. Christ suffered for us great pain and even the pangs of death itself. Yet while he suffered, Jesus did not cease to be God’s beloved Son. Indeed, in this man God himself suffered and died. Human suffering is not alien to our God.

Sanctification

The Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Jesus, brings us to faith in our crucified God through the gospel. This faith connects us with Christ and receives all the eternal benefits he won on the cross. It makes us members of his body. God’s Spirit thus makes us followers of the crucified Lord. This means that we are to take up the crosses God in his wisdom and mercy has prepared for each of us to bear. By faith and suffering we are to become like Christ our head in all things. Like Christ, we will enter heaven’s eternal glory after suffering with him on earth for a short while.

We too are no less God’s children when we suffer disease or loss. As Christians, we are what we are by faith in Christ. External suffering, even death, cannot separate us from our God and Savior. In fact, by God’s grace, hardships will lead us deeper into the mysteries of the gospel of our suffering Savior. Furthermore, our “worth” as persons rests in Christ, not in ourselves – regardless of whether we’re weak or strong. Christ is our life, our strength, and our hope, even in the midst of suffering and loss. Suffering is not the ultimate evil; separation from Christ by unbelief is.

What Does this Mean in Practice – How to Respond?

Caring, not Killing

God does want us to serve our neighbor in love. But God wants us to serve according to his will, the Ten Commandments. That is, God has set certain limits for our service. Certain decisions and “services” he has reserved for himself. One of them is to end life. We can confidently leave this big decision to God; we don’t have to play God and be responsible for everything.

Ours is a much humbler duty which is also a much more human one – patiently and lovingly to care for our suffering neighbor as best as possible, even if there is no cure in sight. God will strengthen us in this holy service by his good Spirit. The goal of our care will be to make the present life he has as good and as bearable as possible. For this specific life too is a precious gift of God’s grace.

When to Treat and when not to Treat

We may end certain treatments, but we may not end certain lives. Certain treatments will prove useless at some stage. However, a treatment is still to be considered useful if it sustains the life the patient still has, even if it does not “cure” him. – The patient might experience other treatments as more burdensome than the malady itself. These may be discontinued even if this hastens the death of the loved one. The loved one is not killed; he is simply allowed to die. While death is not to be sought, it is also not to be avoided at all cost. Death is not the ultimate evil; separation from God is.

Certain treatments may be rejected, not certain lives. To be sure, a life of permanent disability or suffering is not the life most people would choose for themselves. Yet this life too is good in God’s eyes. For it too is created, sustained, redeemed, and sanctified by God. It too will be restored in full at the resurrection of the dead on the Last Day. It is thus not simply worthless or meaningless. It can be used by God as a blessed example of the power of his grace and Spirit. And it is, at any rate, an opportunity for offering God-pleasing love and service to this specific needy brother or sister.

For further information on the issue of assisted suicide, click here.